I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
