I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
