Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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