Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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