I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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