i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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