I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
