RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
