I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
