She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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