if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
