i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
