I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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