When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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