it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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