When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
