Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
