I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
