Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
