im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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