i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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