I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
