Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's shark week go big or go home
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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