she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
