someone threw a dead crab at me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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