How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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