Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
