Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
