Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.