i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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