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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  What'd you say?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I told him I was sleep driving

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• (916): View more from California

  is it cool if i come over and use your computer?

  (1-916): View more from California

  what happened to yours?

  (916): View more from California

  i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.

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• 

  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (210): View more from Texas

  i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

  (239): View more from Florida

  that is the opposite of a normal text message.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor

  (206): View more from Washington

  Haha oh no

  (425): View more from Washington

  The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail

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• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go

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• (903): View more from Texas

  His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?

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