We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.