I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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