you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.