It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.