Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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