I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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