your thong is hanging out like whoa
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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