omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
