tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
