It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
