So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
