i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
