i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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