So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
