i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
