I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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