U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize