I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
