I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
