Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize