hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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