If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
