so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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