Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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