Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
