So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
