don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
