If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
