She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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