if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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