and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
