when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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