we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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