I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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