I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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