am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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