3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
