Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
