I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
