She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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