y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
