Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
