Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
