That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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