I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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