He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize