It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
