He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
