you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
